A teddy bear called Muhammad

A pretty cool article about the Muhammad teddybear incident in Sudan, by Arsalan Iftikhar, the contributing editor for Islamica magazine in Washington, D.C.

From the article:

While I was making the global network-television rounds during the Danish cartoon controversy a few years ago, it dawned on me that our human collective was going to continue having international crises every time some backward Muslim knucklehead irrationally reacted to global events somewhere.

Having been asked to explain virtually every kooky action performed by some criminal Muslims worldwide, I saw a new chapter added to the legacy of this sad phenomenon in recent weeks. This time, it was a story about a little teddy bear named Muhammad that lived in the deserts of the African nation of Sudan.

When the incident broke out, I was heartened by the number of commentators on the BBC Have Your Say article, who announced that they were Muslim, and now fully intended to name their next cat Muhammad just for kicks. Of course, there were those who felt very very strongly about it, and thought that the teacher should be lucky that she wasn't getting executed.


Of course, at the heart of it, the story was about culture, not Islam. As you know, Muslims are differents! Some wear scarfs, some belly button rings. Some booze it up, others go vegetarian. Sometimes they're all in the same family (ref: Egypt).

This was my impression of the reactions:

1. Muslims in countries with clear judicial systems and clear recourse to expressing displeasure, seem to feel that if the parents had felt so offended, they should have just asked the teacher to change the name.

2. Muslims in relatively first-world countries, where they were not the underclass, offered to name their next cat Muhammad.

3. Countries with a Muslim majority that had been former British colonies, dryly asked if there would have been a similar outcry if it was a local teacher.

4. Countries with a Muslim majority that had been former British colonies, and still suffering from the aftereffects, thought the world should stay out of this, and the teacher in question should thank her lucky stars that she wasn't executed.

The categories overlap, of course. They're not exact, and definitely not scientific. But to me, it seems to say once again, that the whole conflict had never been about religion. And if that's the case, why are Muslims worldwide on trial? And what's the point of thinking that moderate Muslim leaders will necessarily solve the problem? To Sudan, it's just another case of colonial imperialism.

I'm not saying that moderate Muslim leaders shouldn't bother to speak up. They still have a pull with Sudanese Muslim groups that most world leaders don't have. But at the end of it, the rest of us should stop passing the buck to religious organisations to "take responsibility" for their own, and acknowledge there's more to it. It's too simplistic - and oh yes - fundamentalist.

In the meantime, I agree with Arsalan Iftikhar:

Meanwhile, the world has had yet another chuckle at the expense of every Ali, Akbar and Ahmad out there.

Let me explain: I call this the "Ali, Akbar and Ahmad" phenomenon, which is comparable to the old adage about "Tom, Dick and Harry." To put it in proper context, I would say something like, "I am sick and tired of having to answer for every Ali, Akbar and Ahmad who does some idiotic thing around the world."

But alas, Ali, Akbar and Ahmad always come calling.

If I were given the opportunity, I would fly to the United Kingdom to offer Gillian Gibbons a peace offering. I would express my sadness for her ridiculous ordeal and humbly offer her a teddy bear to put a happy ending on this story.

And that teddy bear's name would be Muhammad.

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CMIO promotes ignorance

Today is Dasera.

Wha?

Dasera is a major Hindu festival, as it makes up one of the three-and-a-half auspicious days (sade teen muhurta) of the year. It is the name imparted to the tenth day (dashami) of the bright fortnight of the Hindu lunar month, Ashvin. Also known as Dasara, Dusshera. and Dusshera.

Bet you didn't know that. Serangoon Road was in full swing Sunday night. I first realised something was up when nearly every Indian-driven lorry/goods vehicle had a garland across the grill.

The thing I really hate about the CMIO is that it gives you the false idea that there's all there is to the various races in Singapore. Just four categories - memorise their official holidays and customs, and you're done. Who needs to know more?



It's especially ridiculous when you consider that the entire spectrum of Indian religious gets subsumed under one category. India, nicknamed the Empire of the Soul, gets one lousy slot. Cos, you know, Parsi=Gujerati=Sikh=Hindu=yeah right.

And it does have an effect on people - I can't count the number of times I've heard people say,"Eh? Got Indian Muslims?" or express bewilderment that Indians come in various shapes, sizes, costumes, and religious accessories. Sadly, it's usually the Chinese who have that reaction. However, the Chinese get shortchanged in their own way - there are Cantonese, Hakka, Hokkien, and don't you dare confuse one for the other to some members of the older generation. My grandpappy hates Hakka, for reasons that I prefer not to think about.

Of course, dealing with all the variations is a bit.. messy. Much easier to have four boxes, to make the statistics easier. And the national holidays. And the costumes on national day, and racial harmony day. Much easier to act as though the variations don't exist.

Sometimes I think that the whole CMIO structure isn't about celebrating diversity, it's about making diversity uniform so that you don't have to think so hard.

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The Power of Faith, Muzzled.

Now that Singapore's finally woken up, and realised that there's something happening in Myanmar, I wonder if the powers that be are going to add al-Qaeda to their prayers tonight. In thanks.

After all, it's thanks to them that religious organisations in Singapore are very determined to toe the line and maintain the harmony.


Ok, no, it's not as simple as that. But historically speaking, religious organisations have power, even if they don't have an army, or even a treasury. In Myanmar and in Thailand, the Buddhists monks have a power of sorts, and they can and will use it politically.

In Singapore, there's no reason to believe it can't happen here. After all, more than one person believes that the Christian pastors hold some political influence, and there's a reason why certain visiting imams are going to get their speaker's pass revoked. Religious organisations do have power, even in secular Singapore. Some might even say, especially in secular Singapore, where people are turning to a religious revivalism to fill that unspoken hole left by a rapidly modernising country.

However, there's a current political clime of suspicion left by the events of September 11th. Every religious group is suspected of potentially fomenting inter-religious violence. At this point in time, it only makes sense for the religious leaders to support the status quo. A push for political change runs the risk of being seen as divisive, or opens themselves up for charges of being "disruptive". There are far more groups right now interested in doing interfaith work,than leading demonstrations or pushing the anti-Iraqi-war stance.

It's not as simple as that, of course. The Singapore government has shown that it's quite capable of maintaining religious peace and solo control of the country's joystick in the past. But I can't help thinking that the current "terrorists!!!OMG" atmosphere has given the religious groups an added impetus to stay the hell away from Parliament Lane.

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Things I have said to evangelists

It happened again. Two girls, bright, perky (in more ways than one), polite - approached me in a shopping mall, and asked me if I would be interested in attending a "special event" at their church.

I've always had a special interest in Christian evangelists in Singapore. Singaporeans as a whole seem to be shy about approaching strangers. Evangelists on the other hand, don't seem to mind, in fact, they're quite happy to do so. It's something they share with those credit card roadshow folks, time-share marketeers and "Hi we are looking for model" people.

(strangely enough, students on flag day seem prepared to die of embarrassment. And block the escalator while doing so.)

Anyway, I've thought that it was quite cool that they did so - after all, it takes guts to go up and tell complete strangers that they're currently on the pathway to hell. In some sense, I envy them - I've always wanted to tell people that they're going to hell.

So let's get this straight - I admire what they do, and the kind of conviction that can get you to overcome so many years of cultural conditioning.

But to be honest, it's a hassle to tell them that you're not interested in the kind of ecstasy they're pushing. After the most recent attempt at conversion, I started to think about all the experiences I've had with evangelists.

Mezzo, age 12

Bespectacled, vaguely aware that there's going to be an exam. Not entirely sure what religion is, except that for some it means no charsiew bao, and for others, no free time on Sunday morning.

Evangelist cousin, 19, and therefore has the answers to the cosmos. She corners me in her bedroom, along with an even younger cousin. Younger cousin is Catholic, or so her mother has told her.

Evangelist Cousin: Jesus saves. Accept him. Become christian.

Mezzo, age 12: Really?

EC: Yeah. Take a look at this handy little Christianity 4 Noobz booklet I happen to have here. All here.

Mz12: But I think I'm [insert faith].

Younger cousin: And I'm already Christian, cos I'm Catholic.

EC: Nya-uh. Did you know that [prominent leader of faith] went to hell? There was this guy, see, who had an mystical vision, and saw [leader] in hell. It's true. You can trust people with mystical visions.

Mz12 + younger cousin: *looks*

EC: Look, you wanna go to hell?

Mz12: .. no?

EC: Excellent. Take this book, and the booklet, and start reading it. Younger cousin, take one too, I know you're Catholic, so you'll need one. I'm so glad!! Oh, and do you want the rest of your family to go to hell?

Mz12: .. no?

EC: Well, you know what to do! I have more Christianity 4 Noobz booklets, just ask me for them. *leaves the room*

YC: Did we just get converted? Mum is going to kill me.

Mz12: I think you go to hell if you convert.

YC: Mum's worse.

Two weeks later -

Mz12: *dials* Um. Evangelist cousin? I don't think I can be Christian anymore.

EC: Oh no, why?

Mz12: I think my family would get upset.

EC: You're a very brave kid. You can do this.

Mz12: No, I don't and I think I'm too young and you're not allowed to chose religions if you're too young. I can't even watch porn yet, how can I choose Gods?

EC: You watch porn?

Mz12: Erhm. Bye.

Mezzo, age 15

A typical teenager, trying to fit in while trying to stand out. Hesitating a touch too long at a bus interchange, as if unsure of where to go.

An evangelical surveyer approaches, to show Mezzo@15 the way, the only way.

ES: Hey, do this survey. The one that cunningly yet casually asks you your religon with other data that only exists to make it look legit.

Mezzo@15 is a teenager, looking for a way, trying to take root while trying to uproot.

ES: Oh ho, I see you are a 'freethinker'. Let me get you to sit down and ask further questions.

Mz15: Sure? Why not?

ES: Have you seen my l33t Christianity for Noobz booklet? Got one right here. Now, if you're feeling lost, that's because Christ needs to be on the throne of your life. Like in the picture here. See? There's this cross, and it's sitting on a throne. That's good, cos now there's a big circle around the cross and the throne and you, and GOD, who unlike Christ and you, actually gets his name spelled out.

Mz15: I think I've seen this comic before.

ES: The circle is like your life. It's a circle of life, but without Elton John, because Elton is gay and God hates fags. Hahah. Now, the other picture, you're on the throne, Christ is not, and God is OUTSIDE the big circle which is your life. Which makes God sad. Do you want to make God sad?

Mz15: No?

ES: Then accept Christ on the throne of your life!

Mz15: Um. Yeah. Let me think about that. Thrones.

ES: Here, take my Christianity for Noobz booklet. In fact, take three.

Mezzo, age 17

It's junior college, and partying is what you do, apart from angst. You're a jc kid, ergo, you party. Any party.

Friend: Come along to my Easter day party!

Mz17: Awesome! Ooh, movie! Ooh, guy in robes! Talking to himself! Ok, it's like he's going to die, no wait, he doesn't have to die, he's asking his father why he has to die.. eh. Think I know how this goes.

Evangelist Party-goer: Hi, person. Come sit with me! Don't worry about your other friend, she'll be sitting with my friend. It makes things easier when I break you down, um, bond with you.

Mz17: *notes that EP is unfanciable, loses interest*

EP: Hey, lookie at my Christianity for Noobz booklet!

Mz17: *spaces out*

EP: *ten minutes later* .. and here, God is in your life, cos Christ is on the throne. Also, he's the pathway to heaven!

Mz17: Never mind. Er, you know, I'm kinda already [member of faith]. And aren't all Gods one god anyway, and teach basically the same thing? We're all brothers. And world peace.

EP: No. Christ is the only pathway to heaven!

Mz17: Like Led Zeppelin?

EP: *is polite*

Mz17: *wonders if wise-assery keeps you out of heaven*

Mezzo, age 21

Still finding the way, but university's given the tools to navigate. If you're going to find your way, it helps to find your starting point.

At a train station this time, because Singapore's finding new ways too. Two girls approach, with a survey in the hand, and faith in the heart.

Evangelist Girls: Hey, survey! You're freethinker?

Mz21: Sorta, but I'm also kinda [insert faith here]

EG: Oh. Um. Could we go through this booklet with you?

Mz21: No. Absolutely not. Look, I've got friends who show me the way already, ok?

EG: Oh, which church? Come on, strike up a conversation with us, that way, it's harder for you to be so mean as to just leave.

Mz21: One of them. Thanks, but not interested.

EG: But! Save! Throne!

Mz21: No, don't worry about me, ok? Anyway, I've a friend who's going to turn up in a bit, so I don't want to keep him waiting.

EG: We could meet your fr..

Mz21: We're in a hurry. Movie. But thanks for caring.

Friend turns up, Mezzo@21 fills him in.

Mz21: They're the ones over there.

Friend: The pair talking to a makcik?

Mz21: Yeah.

Friend: They're dedicated.

Mz21: Optimists.

Friend: Christ is Hope, remember? Hey, that one's hot.

Mezzo, age 24

At 24, family starts being bearable again. You stop imagining that you're actually adopted, and acknowledge you could be related. Again, at a junction, a surveyer approaches.

Evangelical Surveyor, ver. 2: Ah. You're [member of faith].

Mz24: Uh huh. *wonders if actual prayers are required*

ESv2: Well, nice to meet you.

Mz24: *wonders if the booklet is the same colour* Huh? Where'd she go? That was fast!

Mezzo, present day

I'm standing in Novena Square, and the girls have pamphlets. I'm a working adult, almost visibly English-educated, and I look younger than I am. I'm not surprised I was picked.

The girls ask me if I'm interested in a special performance at their church. They've got leaflets, with colourful Photoshop images. For a moment, I miss that little orange booklet.

They ask me to come and listen. I know a bit more of what I am, than I did at 12. I know how to stand out and fit in, because I'm not 16. I'm not 17 either, and I know that nice-sounding concepts need to be supported by understanding and facts. Moved beyond 20, so I've done the readings. No longer a tentative 24, I can stand firm and say it, because I am an individual, and belonging to a family or a group greater than myself doesn't change it.

And I've been working for awhile, and I know what to say.

MzPresent: Thank you. But I already believe in Jesus.

Evangelist girls: That's fantastic!

Their pleasure is palpable. For a moment I feel like telling them that I don't think they understand it the same way I do. But what's the point? They'd get upset, and right now, they're happy and if I am a true believer in my faith, I wouldn't do that to them.

Maybe I should have just been straight with them. I didn't lie. Some beliefs are common to all humanity, too.

But I do believe. In my own way, and so do they. And it doesn't threaten me at all.

-------

Events described here are real, though I will admit to paraphrasing it for the purposes of coherency and to allow for my impressions to come through. I've actually been approached many more times than this, but some were less pleasant, as well as somewhat irrelevant.

To the two evangelists I met at Novena - Um. Sorry. Yes, I do go to a church in Bishan, like I told you, but when I said "church", I was broadly interpretting it as "place of worship". By the way, you're cute. Really. Are you single?

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